PRETTY: He’s got it in for you, you know. Word is, he and Theresa were sleeping together. Wendy from HR nearly walked in on them one time, in the boardroom.
JANINE: I trust him to act professionally. He’s been doing things by the book since he started here. And we’re practically neighbours, since he moved into my street. I walk past his house all the time. Besides, I’ve got nothing to worry about. (SARCASTIC) I’ll have you as a witness…
PRETTY: (PAUSE) Janine…
JANINE: (SIGHS) Yes, Pretty?
PRETTY: You know I’m your friend, right?
JANINE: I used to think so.
PRETTY: And that I’ve got your back, right?
JANINE: (DRAWN OUT – WARY) Yes.
PRETTY: And I’d never do or say anything to hurt you, right?
JANINE: (EXASPERATED) Pretty! Where are you going with this? Spit it out.
PRETTY: It’s just… well… maybe you do have some anger management issues to work out. You know?
JANINE: (SNAPS AT HER) What?
PRETTY: See what I mean?
JANINE: Sorry. (TAKES A DEEP BREATH) But really? Do you think I’m generally an angry person?
PRETTY: You and Theresa used to fight a lot, during the few months that she was here.
JANINE: Well, yes. But do you blame me? You saw the way she used to lounge around all day. She had no sense of urgency. Jobs weren’t going through the system on time. Customers were always complaining, about late deliveries, and about her attitude. And the last couple of weeks, she wasn’t even handling their queries. She kept putting all their calls through to production, instead of following up herself. That’s what started last week’s argument.
PRETTY: I understand all of that. But do you always have to swear? At the top of your voice? The whole office used to come to a standstill. Little Maria in reception would sometimes hide under her desk, she was so scared.
JANINE: Well, I – Pretty, I – That’s just who I am, I suppose. It’s how I react to stress. What would you have done?
PRETTY: I would have followed the company’s procedures. Lodged a written complaint with the office manager.
JANINE: I did that. Every time. But Vincent never lifted a finger, he just acknowledged my emails then ignored them.
PRETTY: Don’t get me wrong. I’m not defending Theresa. I think she should have been fired just for her atrocious taste in perfume. I mean, the whole office used to stink of sandalwood every time she walked past.
JANINE: (LAUGHING) Right?
PRETTY: And those piercings… Did she really have to wear all those eyebrow rings to work?
JANINE: They didn’t bother anyone. Unless she was sitting there playing with them, instead of doing her job. Then I had to drag her back to reality and tell her to get on with her work. That usually resulted in another argument.
PRETTY: But I think you were just upsetting yourself unnecessarily. You shouldn’t have let her get to you like that. Maybe try to control your anger. Not swear as much. Just breathe.
JANINE: I am breathing. I breathe all day.
PRETTY: No, Janine. Breathe properly. In… out… in… out… centre yourself…
JANINE: (SARCASTIC) Gee, thanks for those words of wisdom. I’d love to hear some more, but I have to shoot. Got a meeting.
FX: SOUNDS OF DRAWERS BEING SLAMMED AS JANINE HURRIEDLY PREPARES TO LEAVE.
PRETTY: Just try it. Please. You’ll thank me later. Oh, and take this with you.
FX: RUSTLE OF A PIECE OF PAPER.
JANINE: What is it?
PRETTY: It’s a list I printed off the internet. Alternative words to use when you feel the need to swear.
JANINE: (SIGH) Bye, Pretty.
FX: RADIO MUSIC SWELLS TO INDICATE THE END OF THE SCENE.
Something different to kick off the new year. Extract from Fiddlesticks, the radio play included in Tales from the Crying Room. Available on Amazon. Don’t worry. The rest of the stories AREN’T plays.
Also available in paperback from Curiosity in Pretoria, and The Real Mackay in Blairgowrie.
And till the 12th of January, you’ll find my books at Chameleon Village in Hartebeespoort, at The Alternative Geeks Artist Alley, sharing a table with a handful of other local authors’ books.
Till next time.
Cheers.
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